When is “then”?

You know how people sometimes say stuff like “When I get this job, then I’ll be happy.”? I do that all the time. In this case: “When I’ve sold my studio, then I’ll have less stress.” Well. Hasn’t quite happened. I knew I wanted to focus on my healing and that means a lot of appointments with therapists, doctors, healers but… it’s gotten a little out of hand. I feel like an old lady who goes to the doctor every day (and don’t even get me started on the amount of pills I’m taking, all supplements, that’ll be another post). And I’m starting to think that that’s counterproductive and it’s keeping me from actually feeling better. If only I had more time to relax, de-stress, meditate, hang out with friends… That’s ridiculous! I don’t work. I do have time. Except… I have all these appointments. Maybe I should cancel them all. Or at least some of them. But here’s what happens when I try to do that:
* Occupational therapy (once a week): No, can’t cancel that, that’s very important to keep my hands going.

* Physical therapy (once a week): No, that’s very important for the rest of my body. Well, as soon as I find good physical therapist…

* Psychotherapy (once a week): Are you kidding? I so need professional help in dealing with this. I should go to her every day.

* Bioresonance (once a week): It’s a weird method and I’m not entirely sure about it but I’m very sure about my bioresonance therapist, she is fabulous and I absolutely trust her knowledge and her intuition. And some days bioresonance is the only thing that can make me feel better.

* Osteopathy (every other week): Forget it. My osteopath is amazing and is helping me so much physically and emotionally.

* Dentistry (twice a week for a little while): I know there’s no guarantee that this will work or that this dental stuff is at all related to ALS but I want to try it. When all this dental work is done, then I will relax and destress!

* Miscellaneous: I’m seeing the doctor about nutrition right now and through her lab tests she discovered a potential autoimmune process going on in my body and potential problems with my thyroid. Interesting and important stuff. And now I need to track that down with more doctors appointments. So when all that is done, then I will relax and destress.

See what I mean?

And it’s difficult because I’m so scared of missing something. Something that could be helpful.

Well. For me for now “then” is going to be in November: I’ve canceled all my appointments and I’m going to visit my cousin in Canada, to spend time with family, do yoga, and meditate. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Leave a comment


  1. Good for you!
    When I was a girl, I was categorised as “a sick child”. Oh yes. For years, I was healthy, not healthy. This doctor, that doctor. She should go to the sea, she should go to the country. And the worse thing was: nobody knew what was wrong!
    One day, we had about 7 doctors in the house from various universities, who wanted to use me as a case study. On that day, I saw that I had about 14 pills to have per day: blue, pink, white, yellow. I was so “sick” of them and their stupid “cures”, that I threw the pills down the toilet and threw them all out of the house. I was 13 or 14 then. I thought I’ll take my chances.
    I know what it is now and I still have that illness ‘cos there’s no cure but I worked my way around it as best I could.
    Do what feels right to you and live your life.

  2. Wow! You’re amazing! You were so strong, at 14… wow! Good for you!


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