Still feeling… pretty good, actually

Week 36 of this blog
Week 129 of this situation
Weight: 49,5 kg / 109 lbs.
Last fall: 37 days ago

So, the weekly blog thing isn’t really working for me… And I’m okay with that. But I’m trying not to let it slide for too long.

I’ve been feeling really good… basically since I wrote that post about a good day. I think the ability to (finally) recognize and appreciate a good day goes a long way. And I’m meditating everyday. And… I don’t know. Physically, things are as crap as ever. Not complaining, just saying. But somehow it doesn’t bother me. I feel like I’m in the right place, doing the right things and everything will be alright. Isn’t it interesting how one can be happy despite… stuff?! I really hope it stays that way!

I started with my Ayurveda herbs and I’m really excited about that. Something that tastes so… uhm, “special” and is such a pain to take, can only be really healthy and good and helpful! I have two powders that I have to put directly into my mouth and then wash them down with warm water. The first time I tried it, I inhaled at the wrong moment and got powder in my throat and choked and coughed and covered everything in front of me with a fine layer of powder… But I’m getting better and it’s almost not a big deal anymore. But the taste: Powder 1 tastes like potting soil and is really rough and scratchy in my throat. Powder 2 tastes like patchouly incense and turns into a stringy slime when combined with water. Well. My dad always says medicine that tastes bad works well… This is going to be so great!

An update on my exercise activities (you may have noticed that I don’t put my physical/occupational therapy achievements at the top anymore…):
I’m not doing my occupational therapy exercises anymore. There, I said it. These are exercises for my hands and fingers, like flexing and extending my fingers or coordination stuff. And I can’t do it. Literally can’t do it. For example, at this point I can only extend one finger and that’s my right middle finger. And it’s a certain kind of awful to look at one of the other fingers and try to extend it and just not be able to do it. It’s kind of fascinating. But really awful. And the way things used to work, was if I practiced something, then I would to get better. With this disease it’s not like that, I practice but I get worse anyway. Maybe I get worse a little slower but it doesn’t feel like it’s making a big difference. So I decided that it wasn’t worth the frustration and depression that comes with practicing.My physical therapy exercises I do pretty much everyday because I have to and they feel good. This spasticity in my legs and back is still pretty bad so I have to do some stretches for that. And I’ve always enjoyed stretching (still me…).
And I’m riding my stationary bike for 15 minutes almost every day but at least every other day. It feels like my legs could do more but it’s really hard for me to sit upright on that thing supporting myself with my arms. And the saddle… still uncomfortable. Not for my butt/sitzbones but for my lady parts/pubic bones! I asked an expert-bike-rider-spinning-instructor for help and he came over with a very interesting tactic: he brought three saddles that were so ridiculously hard that the original saddle felt like a comfy chair… for about five minutes. So I’m afraid there’s no solution but to get used to it. And that’s okay.

And that’s all. Thanks for reading!

Health and happiness and love