It’s a fine line

I’m skipping the numbers I usually put at the top because what I’m writing about today happened about three weeks ago in the second week of June.

I had been doing really well for about a month and had thoroughly enjoyed that. Thankfully. Because that week showed me (yet again) how fast things can fall apart. The week started with intense heat, temperatures of about 34°C/93°. (Apartments in Germany generally don’t have air conditioning.) A lot of people struggled and I was one of them. But in addition to feeling weak and exhausted I was also struggling because everything was so sweaty and sticky. For example (and I’m sorry if this is too much information), it took me an extra 30 minutes at night to wrestle myself out of my sweaty T-shirt and bra before going to bed. That sort of stuff. Makes it difficult to stay happy and positive.

And the following weekend…
I have to give you a little history: I am/was a Pilates trainer. And every year for the past nine years I attended and/or organized workshops with an amazing master trainer. The last four years I organized the workshops in Berlin and it was so much work (what with my perfectionist streak) and I bitched and moaned about it but the truth is… it was so worth it! I loved those workshops! It was such an inspiring community of Pilates trainers and we learned from each other and from the master trainer of course and it was wonderful.
And that weekend the workshop happened without me for the first time. I don’t really know how to describe how sad I was… very, very sad. And I felt a little stupid because I didn’t see it coming. Everything Pilates related seemed so far away and I thought I was done crying about it. Well, I apparently wasn’t. I really felt that loss.
But… Someone told me that sadness is a relatively easy emotion to deal with. Things like guilt or shame are much more difficult. I forget how she explained but it made sense to me. I was so sad but I also felt a lot of gratitude for having had something that I could be so sad about.
So thank you to my mentor (you know who you are) and all the trainers who attended the workshops!

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  1. as someone who got to know you via being my pilates instructor, I can imagine how difficult this weekend was – I remember a previous year when you were organising the masterclass… but I also take inspiration from this blog and the way you turn what could have been sad feelings into positive ones. Personally, I try and be grateful every day for my life – and I so appreciate your words of thanks to your teacher and your fellow pilates practitioners (yes – current… I have learned we may not be often to ‘do’ the forms outwardly at 100% as we may have once, but we can still ‘do’ them internally, and I know you are inwardly ‘doing’ them 100%, Anya!).
    Thank you for your honesty and words of encouragement!

    • Dear Kaite, I just noticed that I hadn’t responded and I’m really sorry!
      Thank you as always for your thoughtful comment but most of all… I miss working with you!

      • Likewise! I always try to remember what you taught me – and hope we meet up for coffee when I’m next in Berlin (spring 2015). I’m glad to be in contact via your blog…. Sending you energy and warmest wishes!
        Kaite x

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